Gray Matter

Romantic relationships are foreign to me.  So foreign that I can't seem to get my head wrapped around it.  You like a guy he likes you.  What's holding up getting together?  I guess there's no hurrying things up and things are not quite as black and white.  The grey part is where I can't seem to keep myself from drowning.  I've always thought that when it happens, it just happens without it being hard.  I thought the hard part comes once you're in it ... not quite before.  Maybe I'm forcing something that's not there.  I really don't know. 

I'm attracted to dd.  I know I am because its bothering me that I can't get him out of my head and I keep thinking of where things are.  We have lived such different lives and most of our conversation revolves around the past.  It's hard to find common ground.  But the thing is, he makes me laugh.  Yes, it doesn't take much to make me laugh but there are different kinds of it.  When we spend time together, it's light hearted and partly my bashfulness showing and my face turning red because of the conversation's topic.  I always seem to leave with a fond memory.  I like that. 

Anyway, I've been told that I should leave things me.  That's probably what I'm gonna do unless I get drunk as hell and I end up drunk-emailing.  I suck that way.  So I'm gonna have to behave.  Leave things be.  Keep emotions in check and ride it out.  I don't like this feeling.  I really don't.  Being patient with uncertainty isn't my strongest suite. Being the shade of gray sucks.