burn baby burn

I realized that in my efforts to not be idle, I get overwhelmed and I end up being idle anyway. Would that be considered ironic? Having Alanis criticized for her Irony song confused me as to its proper use. Oh well. But I do have a lot of things to do really. I have to go look for more jobs, I promised Mrs. Shea that I will be helping at the local elementary school as a volunteer, I also want to work out (which I have to say have been good...I biked twice last week, went to the gym twice as well...not too shabby), I also need to call several local area service sites for our youth service projects, not to mention to make reservations for my flight to Tampa, and make other calls. Hmm, What have I done? Well, I have managed to go to the school to arrange my volunteer work. I have been looking for jobs to my demise because I end up being in front of the computer several hours at a time (which I really do not like) but at least I AM doing what I'm suppose to be doing. Like I said, I have successfully gone to the gym. I have looked and searched for flights to Tampa but have yet to purchase them. I'll do that this Wednesday so that it would be the day after my Credit Card cutoff date. I'm smart like that....Hmm, what else have I done? Oh I did manage to buy a new suit for the "soon to be" (optimistically, hoping) that an interview would be coming. So I guess I haven't been THAT idle though there have been moments of them, which is understandable I guess. I do need to borrow some books or actually, finish some of the books lined up for me to read. But isn't part of taking a break, actually doing nothing and enjoying life and what's around you? I've at least been successful at that. I finally realize that the cliche "Stopping to smell the roses" is actually important. Don't diss the wonderful things around you, make time for them and I promise it's not a waste of time.

But that has been my week. Two weeks actually of not working. Its great and yet frightening. As much as I complained about working before, I find that working was something that I actually am looking forward in doing. Don't get me wrong. I have no regrets leaving BGR. Though I have to admit, there was a part of me that says, why did you quit again? Then, I remind myself of how miserable I was when I was actually there. Remember the anxiety attacks and the dreaded feeling of going to work? That's not normal at all. See before, I had a sense of pride and purpose but near the end, that drive was no where to be harnessed and I was tapped out of energy. My dad was right, I was burnt out at a job that would have been great had there been a better environment for people. Its growth potential was gone and my positive fire was almost snuffed out of me. Good thing I came to my senses and I am nursing back into a wild flame what kindling is left of my chi.

I'm excited about my future...scared out of my mind but since the fire is slowly coming back, I can't wait to bring it to my work....whatever it may be. I AM still working my music. It's working out well. I've talked to a band and a producer. Though I don't think I have the right to do so as of yet but I need to get used singing in front of people again. It's been forever. Now, THAT fire has been just a kindling for a long time. It needs to be nursed back to its proper burning potential. It's going to be a long road to that day but better work on it now than tomorrow, right? The opportunity may come anytime and I need to be ready when that day comes.

So let the fire burn...you should try looking into that yourself. It's great! burn baby burn!