Don't Save Paris

Lately, I've been a little anxious. I'm not sure why and sadly, I've been ignoring the feeling. I've been so busy the past month or two that I haven't had a chance to sit down, think, and search for the reason for this anxiety. It does not help that I'm gonna continue to be busy for another month. I think this is why when winter comes, I get a tad depressed. Hmmm, I wonder ....

Anyway, part of the anxiety is my birthday coming up (end of September if you wanna know), then my cousin Sarah getting married, then Jessica already has a boyfriend a few months after breaking off her engagement. Maybe, just maybe these things have something to do with my anxiety. I hate to be that girl who fusses about having a relationship. And it breaks my heart that I am finding myself in that very mindframe. I don't think its healthy. Looking back at past blogs, I found that it's all I talk about. I hate that. I don't want to be that. But there is something about writing out your thoughts on paper --well, typing it away into the internet void-- and really thinking about it.

So it makes me wonder, what is it that bothers me the most -- the fact that I'm still single or the fact that I feel this pressure and urge to find that person? Is it my biological clock ticking? Will I be able to quench this oh so conduct unbecoming of a "proper" woman? I do hope so. I do hope that I get to get past this feeling and go back to my happy me.

Yes, I would like to find a person to spend some time with, enjoy their company, and hope that would be for the rest of our lives. Grow old together, have children, yadda ... yadda ... yadda BUT I don't want to be pining over some guy or feel desperate enough to do something I would otherwise not do. I wanna carry on with my head held high -- kinda thing.

But alas -- there's scarcely enough good men out there. Those who are out there don't seem to be interested in anymore than just friendship ... with me anyway. I hope the right guy comes soon but in the meantime, I'll keep on keepin' on. Enjoy my singleness. As Emily Giffin said,

So make your single memories count. Don't save Paris. Don't save your best pair of shoes. Don't save anything. Travel, party, live, and laugh as if it were the very last chapter in your single life. It just might be.

and that's what I shall do. =)