what could be

There are times when I wonder, "what is it I'm suppose to be doing in this one chance of life, that I have been given?"  Why is it that what I want does not always happen?  Why do bad things happen to good people?  For example, the hurricane totally killed, ruined, devastated so many lives in New Orleans and surrounding areas.  What exactly did they do that they deserved such a thing?  One explanation that I particularly liked is NOT "God is punishing.." but rather, "God wants to see where the hearts of people are and He is giving us an opportunity to shine."  He wants us to be compassionate.  And none of that one time thing ... but continuously giving of our times and hearts.  Isn't there a saying, "give 'til it hurts?" 

 

I've always done community service projects and other charitable causes.  Few of which I would say have taken me out of my comfort zone and give all that I can to make another life a little more bearable.  I'd like to think I'm at least trying and not standing by doing nothing.  But what does it take to be self-less? 

 

A friend of mine, Remy who has family in Louisiana has done so much.  Yes, one person CAN make a difference.  She has done a shoe drive and a musical instrument drive.  Both so successful that it went beyond her goal.  She just rocks ... she didn't even realize that she needed to prepare for thanksgiving as she returned from her trip Monday before the actual day.  Now, that's self-less.  And his family --equally self-less understood. 

 

Why do bad things happen to good people?  So that people like Remy can rise above the tragedy and go beyond the comforts of home.  Be for once, self-less in an otherwise selfish society --world.  I hope one day, I can do the same. 

 

For now, I'm just struggling to find what it is I ought to be doing and find the "one" person to be my best friend, lover, father of my children, and to grow old with.  Ah the trivial pursuit in life.  I say trivial since I just talked about being selfless and yet here I am being selfish.  So sad.  At least I'm being honest about it. 

 

Need to go to work now.  =(  Have a good snowy day.  Pray that I get a new job.  Pray that I don't get into an accident.  Just pray ... that all will be well with me and those around me...oh and for the rest of the world too.  =)  --I AM capable of being selfless too you know.  But not to the same degree as Remy.