I've been learning more about FW lately. About how much of a player he really is. It saddens me how deep inside I knew there was something quite untrustworthy about him and yet, surprisingly enough, as much as I've said to my friends that I will not fall prey to such men, I did. How easily I was deceived. Adrienne was right, I sure can pick them.
Apparently he's had had multiple relationships in the past and has left behind broken hearts and maybe more than that in his wake. Makes me wonder if he actually realizes that when he reflects on his past he would find himself quite a shameful legacy. I guess for men, having bed so many women is somewhat of a machismo thing. Sad ... like Christina Aguilera's song goes, "if a woman does the same, she's called a whore." What a double standard right? Maybe some people want that. I'd rather keep my path fun yet clean then looking back with my eyes down and full of shame.
Sadly, of all the men who've shown interest in me, why choose this one? What is it about him that made me say, yes --he is worth lending your heart to? Granted, nothing happened. That's really what irks me. I can't believe that it took such a short period of time, with little to no interactions, just an intent of something to make me like him. Like him enough to linger and not be able to walk away.
Have you ever had that experience? Having taken so little effort to get your emotions involved? Why does that happen? I really need to learn how to keep my emotions at bay instead of wearing it on my sleeves. This would lessen the chance of a repeat heartache for no reason. Yes, I feel a tad used. But really his actions should have given rise to questions, which it did but I for some reason or another, chose to ignore it. I guess it was not enough for me to stop the longing.
Even now, sadly enough, I still think he might change and I can forgive him. How pathetic am I really? Geesh! After learning of his past, and apparently there's more I need to learn, but I have enough information to stay away for good and yet. And yet here I am, writing about him, thinking about him, wanting him. Argh! I need to stop. Maybe I need an intervention. Or just meet a wonderful guy who would just sweep me off my feet.
Maybe that's the cure. Divert my attention to someone more deserving. That would require me to meet him first. Ah, and so the waiting ensues. Be patient my dear, be patient. The right man would come....hopefully soon.
About Me
- lb
- I love music and poetry and if you've read a section of my blog, you would have come to that conclusion youself. I dabble in guitar playing and slowly getting better. I like to create and find new ways to express myself. I am friendly, and fun. Blah, Blah, Blah....=)
2 comments:
you seem to judge people and put guilt trip on them. what the heck is wrong with you?
i try not to judge but by human nature, i can see that sometimes that i fall into that pit especially when i feel wronged. i for one am willing to look into the future instead. but if you're let down, it's hard not to look at the past and see a pattern.
i never in anyway placed any guilt on FW, my anonymous writer. in fact, he was the one who back pedaled long before i learned things about him.
so nothing is wrong with me. what i have written was an internal monolgue that i have written to the void to try to make sense of what has happened.
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