monet or davincci?

It seems I'm destined to just figure out what I ought to be as I go along and move through life. Why is it that I feel like I'm the only one my age who just cannot seem to find that nitch. I question everything. I desire so much and yet I don't know hot to attain it. Is it just my grand delusion that I'll be a great somebody some day? Anyway, I just have so many questions and I desire to go on so many directions that I need someone to answer them and to guide me along the different paths I wish to pursue.

I ought to be able to verbalize what I'm thinking and feeling..my desires and what I long. Some perhaps I can paint better than others but most if ever illustrated would be big blurs. Maybe I can pull something of a Monet. As Cher from clueless said, "from far away it looks great but near it, its just a big whole mess" or something to that effect. But the thing is, I don't want to have a Claude Monet painting kinda life. I want it to be the real thing. Honestly though, I think about it more but will the money make me more happy or is it the actual job? I need to find a job that I would actually love waking up to.

Anyway, I'm still quite hopeful. Didn't someone say that the most fascinating people they know are the ones that still do not know what they want in life? Well, I hope to be one of those people someday. Maybe wishful thinking to some but I'm determined to make something out of myself and be happy.

I'm not gonna be happy with a piccaso of a life either I don't' think. So maybe a Da Vinci? He was an inventor and an artist. Anyway, I just want to have a wonderful life that made a difference in at least one person's life.