I decided on the first of September that once I get back from vacation, I will turn in my resignation. For those who've read my blogs and friends who've listened to me whine and complain, you know this was a long time coming. I finally had found my limits and its time to call it quits and move on. Yes, its not the "responsible" way when I have nothing planned to what comes after. Well, there is Khol's. Dad said they're hiring for their Lancome counter. Honestly, though it's not a job I've seen myself have, I'd rather work an honest day's work at a Lancome counter than stay at my current job, where I have been quite miserable for awhile.
The decision came after a bout of anxiety attacks. The very thought of going back to work just gets my heart pumping so fast and my desire to run the opposite direction get to be more enticing by the second. I have no desire to go back. If I were not grateful, or if I just do not care, then I would just turn in my resignation without giving them a 2 week's notice. I'll leave Eric a whole crap of work to do and I just feel bad. It's only Eric I'm thinking of and Makesi who I will be leaving behind. The amount of crap that would be added to their plate just makes me nauseous. Seriously, there have been so many others before me who have left and yet, only 1 has been permanently replaced only because an administrative assistant is important to have. Besides, our boss needs someone to constantly yell and blame at so that position is essential. How sad. So there it is. My decision is made up. I am resigning. At first I thought I was running away but the more I think about it, the more I realize that if I stay there, my disposition would change and so will my personality and I like who I am now. I don't want to be a skeptic or a cynic. I want to continue to be an optimist, a dreamer. But what's next?
I've mentioned before that the fork on the road is upon me and here it is. I've made the choice and there is no looking back. I'm optimistic that what's ahead would be better or at least slightly tolerable. There are lessons to be learned and I start by being humbled by my experience. I'm not perfect nor I claim to be one. I'm no better than others and I have to remind myself that. I am young, but not too young that I can start over again, or maybe not. Maybe it IS my time to start over. To find out what I really want to do with my life and go for it. I feel like I'm a gnat that lingers over something and not knowing when to just go away and avoid being swatted. I don't know where I'm headed but my journey is about to begin. "A new chapter is being written and I am now able to pen it myself. Though I've always had that but I think now, it's actually a conscious decision. I and only I have the power to steer my own destiny and pray that God would help me through it all, in which I know He will. I have no doubt about that. Through people I trust, He will find ways to support me. To guide me. To make me understand what I have to do to follow His will. It will be some scary journey but I'm making it with people I trust and I am ready for the challenges ahead...and I know it's not going to be smooth sailing. It's gonna be a hard bumpy road. Which will make the end product the more rewarding. God will provide. Though thinking about it, maybe the good will be hard to see but gosh darn it! I will see the silver lining. =) Remember, I'm an optimist by heart.
On the upside, let me tell you --great lyrics are coming and the music is coming with it. I just have to sit with Wes (my guitar teacher) and have him help me refine the creative juices. We'll see.
"He is aware of only what he is aware of and he is calm and comfortable with his
settlement. This is just the way it’s supposed to be right now." --Mraz
I just need to be happy with where I am and be content that I will be a better person coming out of this little situation.
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