"Stirring in my Soul"

I've been writing on this blog for a while now --since August 2003. Maybe not as long as most but long enough. If you're one of the few people out there who've been able to follow my "quarter life crisis," then you'd know that I'm still struggling. I still do not know what I want to do and I'm getting restless. What is it that I really am meant to do? I have no clue. I've joked around about music but behind it all, that's where I think I should be going. Yet, I"m not sure if it really is something I'm meant to do. Guitar playing is quite frustrating since I can't seem to play the songs I want to play. I need to think back when I was just learning how to type. I struggled and now, I'm quite fast and very good at it. I can type and not look at the keyboard anymore. Just typing away. When will be the time when I can just play and play and play the guitar? A year? 2-3? I just need to be patient. PATIENCE, good virtue to have. I need to pray for more of those.


So here it is
My frustrating existence
Not knowing what to do
Yet needing to do it

That little voice within me
Screaming to be set free
The stirring in my soul
I can't seem to console

What is it that I need to do?
Where am I going?
Am I doing something wrong?
What am I not seeing?

I sit here writing away
Just thinking of what to do
Despite the fact I should be working
I feel like I'm losing my mind instead

I ponder so much of what not to do
Or perhaps what ways I should try and pursue
But restless I become even more
Pre-occupied with what is in my soul

I'm not sure about anything
I'm sure on just about nothing
I almost always answer every question asked
Confident to hide my ambivalence
Probe further and you will see
How unsure I am of what I ought to be

I guess I'll just keep asking the same questions
What is it that I need to do?
Where am I going?
Am I doing something wrong?
What am I not seeing?
In hopes that one day I'll get answers. . .

(thoughts inspired by Mr. John Mayer...can't you tell?)