journey

why is it that when we think of our lives as a journey, we seem to have more questions? ok maybe that's too much of a blanket statement. why is it that when I started thinking of what I want to do, the questions are just never ending? i know i can't think of every possible thing that could happen or the end result because really, we have no control over that. however much planning we have done. it's never actually what we intend it to be. it may have some semblance to our ideal goal but it's never the whole thing.

i have a lot of fear in this journey of mine. i really do not know where it's headed. i can't even decide what i have to do to prepare because i myself do not know the goal. i just know i need to do something. that something is still unknown. who would tell me? God of course would but He actually never tells you straight out what you want to know. He wants you to search. to grow. to learn it on your own. He would however leave clues here and there and you just need to be alert enough to see, understand, and not fear it. I admit though...as I have been writing long before now, I have a lot of fear. I can see now the many decisions I have made were mostly influenced by my fear. Fear of what you might ask? Among many, fear of being ridiculed. I've always valued what others thought...to a fault. even that if I think in some way that I will be embarrassing myself, however worthy it is, I would, in most chances, decline to do it. I've missed out on plenty of opportunities saying no because of fear and I regret that.

Knowing is half the battle right? Now, I just need to find myself the opportunities to stretch myself and go beyond the comforts of the box. I hope I don't freeze in the moment I need to do something. Agh! Fear sucks.

Hmm, I haven't been inspired to write anything of significance. ...well, poem wise. Where is my muse when I need it? I hope I'd have an inspiration later on.


its like walking on a tight rope
seeing the endless drop
or trying to cross the street
where the cars never stop

perhaps wanting to ask a question in class
when all seem to know the answer
or seeing a spider
right around the bedroom corner

and so i stop
i see
i ponder all that's around me
why i fear so many things
when i shouldn't be
it hinders every moment
every little opportunity

it's like when i sing
my voice disappears and i stand there and stare
or when i try to say HI to that special someone
i freeze and i could never ever dare

to walk up to a person you so much admire
then stopping short of a mile
or learning how to drive
then seeing someone crash out of sight

i'd like to think i fear nothing
and that i can do anything
yet the force with a sudden blow
stops me on my tracks