boredom

and so the day goes on and i am here in front of my computer contemplating on how to entertain myself prior to my exedus out of this freakin' office. of course, my day would not be complete with me not day dreaming about the day i'll get over my fear of performing and be all underground successful. would be wonderful. ah, day dreams are great. meeting people. doing it all. traveling. ahhh, what a life. i wonder if i would be as successful as i dream to be. i guess we'll find out when i actually manage to be proficient in playing the guitar and putting together a band and performing. ....tons of stuff to do but one step at a time. there's no rush here. patience is definitely a virtue. the possibilities are endless to those who work hard and are patient. AND with much help from wonderful friends.

so i was just writing my friend christina. and i wrote her some reflections i have been doing. like what i'm feeling right now is my crossroads. being pulled in various directions and not knowing what to do about it and being overwhelmed and frustrated. i feel like i'm being torn. and thus leaving me feeling wanting and and somewhat empty since nothing seems fulfilling. and so my friend christina suggested to look into this site/course called Changing Course where they inspire you to look into yourself and finding your true happiness. by finidng out what you love to do and doing something about it. it's fascinating. i find it a sign that i'm getting all these advise from people. it makes me think i'm on the right track. i talked to pat lawrer, she's a parish associate from my church and she's guiding me on my journey as well through spiritual growth. i think following that path, along with my dreams, i can attain anything and be happy with whatever outcome it is so long as i keep myself open to the possibilities. to all the twists and turns this rough patch of road i'm trodging. and so i march on. to wherever. and i'm afraid, scared out of my wits, but excited all at the same time. little steps. that's the key.


alone, we were born in this world
alone, we walk through
we trodge along with other souls and yet
alone, we will leave it too

but what is it that makes our journey memorable
what mark do we leave as we pass
a verse, a phrase, a word perhaps
a contribution left behind at last

we fill the void with laughter and fun
watching thundercats, and superman
we sing songs by jackson, and mayer too
not to mention mraz, loeb, and ani difranco

yet most of the time we still feel alone
feeling detached and melancholy
a sense of fecundity seems out of reach
and yet we try, we attempt, we work it out
to leave a mark on this world we walk about

we leave a mark, whatever it may be
for good or bad, in the end we'll see
we were born alone,
we will walk alone,
and we leave this world, alone

although, there are those times when we make our mark
however small, however slight
when it's full of love with much delight
the verse we leave will be out of sight

the echoes of laughter
the sounds of cheer
the shadows of love
in all we hold dear

the smiles you leave on your lovers lips
the warmth that lingers on the bedroom sheets
the smell that perforates every being and fiber
on the perfect person you call your lover

so rathar than leave this world alone
you found the solution many search and try to hone
for your life is full of love and delight
then now you'll leave not alone but with a peaceful sight