New Year .... 2006

New year, new possibilities, and the world for the taking. This past year has been full of wonders. I've met so many people. I've learned so many things. I've experienced even more than the past. Things happen for a reason and I choose to see it as something positive. Something that I can take with me as I look behind that episode in my life.

I've grown-up. I know now that I want a relationship. That I am willing and able to take it on. Its just a matter of really stripping down the masks and walls that I've long ago built around me. A matter of trusting someone enough to let them know me. A friend of mine said once that with me, what you see is what you get. I guess for me, there is no pretense? I'm not sure. I'm an honest person ... well, at least I try to be. Though at first appearance, I tend to be reserve and hold things back but once I know I can trust you, then you are free to see me.

When people ask me questions, I try to answer them as truthfully as I can possibly can. This past weekend for example. Jen asked a group of us if this hat she purchased was "cute." Everyone said, yes. She was of course questioning it. Then everyone looked at me and said ... oh she [pointing at me] would tell you if it isn't.

I'm the optimistic one of the bunch as well. Apparently, in the movie "Crash," I'm like Brendan Frasier's character, but not the sinister side. As Dj would say, she's only half of his character ... the half that things the world as good rather than bad. Jason did say, I'm the person he goes to if he needs someone to point out the silver lining.

I'm flattered of course. I guess I try my best to see the world with its potential for good rather than for naught.

Now for the new year. 2006. What would the year bring? What lessons, challenges, fun, goodness, ...adventures would I be experiencing? Richard has challenged me to make a resolution. Something concrete and tangible. I told him I'll have to think about it. Fitting that I'm thinking about it now, at 1:54 am, several hours before I actually go back to work. I job, I may add, that I totally do not like. But its a paycheck. It's the adult thing to do, though I would rather just quit and find my luck somewhere. Though, I know there is a lesson here somewhere. Patience perhaps? Who knows?!

So what would my resolution be? Be willing to put myself out there ... to date at least. To risk being disappointed once again in hopes that I would not and find that one person who would love me and whom I will love back. To do something enough that I'd meet people without compromising my values. Since I found that it is so easy to let it go when the choice is pleasure or nothing. I guess now I know why pleasure always win.

Here's to the hope that 2006 would bring adventures --good or bad. And if bad, I pray that I'd be strong enough to uphold my convictions so I would not regret anything later.

Happy New Year, and I welcome the future ahead.