family

I just got back from my trip to Florida. My cousin Archie and his now wife, Denise had their wedding. It was hella fun. It made me really happy to hang out with family and get to meet cousins. I just found out that I have a cousin who I'm cousin's with on both sides of the family. (confused yet?) Well, his mom and my dad are first cousins and his dad and my mom are first cousins. Scary huh? But the revelation was great. It gives us an extra connection which I dub as magical. I hope we get to be great pals though he resides out in Hawaii. But there is always e-mail and phone calls....which is how I keep touch with cousins from far away anyway so no need to fret that our blooming friendship and family kinship would wither.

I love gatherings. There is something about it that leaves a tingly feeling inside me that makes me just sigh with delight and contentment. At that very moment when all is well and around is happiness, there is much comfort in that for me and I long for those times. I think that is why family is important to me. Maybe that is why the idea of being disappointed with the future hubby leaving and not being there while the rest of my family is quite intact scares the hell out of me. The unforseeable a bitch and I hate that feeling of uneasiness with the unknown. However, the warmth of family does melt those negative affects away and on you go on with life, with more determination and a rejuvenate energy to forge on. You move with more courage towards the shrouded and obscured destinations in hopes that the strength behind you would carry you through. Family. It is that hidden force behind all of us blessed enough to have family who are there for you. Who love you unconditionally and are your personal cheering section. They are there for you to cry on, to laugh out loud with, and to just enjoy the ups and downs of life. As Susan Seranden said in the movie "Shall we Dance," we need people to be witnesses of our lives. To give meaning to it and make it worth while. Family is our witness. Father, mother, siblings, husband, and children...they are there to be the observer and testify that your life was worth something to someone. With a billions of people on earth, there's got to be someone who can vouch for a single lifetime and pass on a legacy and your presence to others, long after we are gone. That is what family is and having them around me in gatherings makes me think of the possibilities. The friendships and laughter. The petty quarrels that makes the get together more interesting and even entertaining. We love, we hate, we care. We are family.

On Monday, I will be joining a new family. I start work that day and I am both eager and scared. Again, it is the same fear --the unknown. This is something new for me. It is something that I need to figure out for myself with the help of others. Unlearn the negativeness of my former job and embrace the positives of, as I see, family-like environment. I pray that I am not jumping the gun and that what I think this new company would be .. will be, and is, a family.