Perception

Ever since I've been thinking of a music career, I've been reading up on various artists --especially women artists. In my quest to be great, I found that some of the musicians that I thought were "greats" at some point in their career were found to be not so. I'm now wondering as I ponder the possibilities, if at any point in my life have I ever been this obsessed and realizing that the probability that I would actually have a career in music is quite slim. It's frustrating. It's maddening. And I feel hopeless. But still, a part of me says to keep on going. It's not like I'm forgoing something but rather exploring something else. I've once thought to become a forensic investigator, FBI agent, and a lawyer. Yet now, all flames that once flickered in me with these once fascinating careers, have now been snuffed out. Will my pursuit of a musical career be the same thing? I hope not. Sometimes though, as I think of it even more, I self-deprecate and find myself inadequate for the task. I mean, really --what can I offer? I can sing yes, but it has been so long that my vocal chords are no longer in shape. Yes, I can always start singing again and get them in shape but it's still something to fuss about. Then I write songs and yet, as mentioned in a previous blog, I thought my stuff was good at the time of its creation but as I replay them, wow --it's mind blowingly awful. What else? I can't seem to find the right chords to play on the guitar. On this note however, I have found that I'm getting better but how long will it take for me to be good? Enough anyway that I can create my own sound. Granted, I have been experimenting and found some lovely chords that I like. It's only a matter of finding the right ones to go together and THEN finding the words and the melody to go with the accompanying music. Do I really have that X-factor that successful people seem to have when it comes to a sought after musical career? (the one that actually pays well. . .like really well) I really don't know. My friends are nice and encouraging but sometimes I second guess and find myself doubting what my friends say. I know, I know, I should just believe them. But still! I mean, there are musicians who some critics believe are not great and yet are successful. Case in point, Michelle Branch. One critic said that she's not a prodigy when it comes to playing the guitar, and her song writing , well is mediocre but she sure likes to sing. Which bodes well for her. Unless she's singing live and her voice cracks, now that just sucks. What are voice lessons for? Duh! Anyway, yeah --who am I to say anything about anyone really. I'm no critique nor am I a genius when it comes to music. I have something flowing in me that needs to be released and right now, it's making me impatient since I can't seem to be able to let it out. No successful outlet as of yet. Goodness! When will it happen?