Weekend of Revelations

Before I start writing about this weekend, let me type in some thoughts I've had written down on paper...yes, I've actually been journaling on paper. What a marvel huh? =)

HS, 1995
I've been struggling all my life
Not even once did I understand why
Everyone seems to know the reason, except me

As I walk across the star lit park,
the trees whisper to each other
and the wind, the wind joins in the conversation
agreeing somehow

leaves seem to be whispering louder and louder
It made me shudder for it sound like
they're ready to reveal the secret
A secret that haunted me for so long

As the intensity grew louder and reached its climax,
the whispers started to fade
It was as if they lost all hope and frustration settled in
If only trees can talk and reveal the secrets they hold

Is it Enough?
27 November 1994
With much love I see
That blooming rose in you
Your glittering eyes speak it all
your honest feelings and true love and all

But how much love can one give
When is enough and when is it too less?
In such sudden burst of emotion,
that humane instinct, you'll know when

There are times when you won't give
There are other times you give too much and
good enough, there are also those times
you give just right

More often than not, however,
we do not know
When enough is not enough
and to stop or give more

Apparition
15 March 1995
It seemed to disappear into the horizon as quickly as it came
Like a light switched on and off
How? Why?
I could not comprehend

As it appeared once more before me
It's dazzling figure and translucent form
I was in awe again
Very radiant it glowed and looking down at me
it smiled, or so it seem to

I blinked my eyes and it was gone
A tingling feeling cam over me
realization...
I saw what I've so longed for to see. . . repressed memories --the life that once was

27 December 2003
passed the old mansion i walk by
behind closed walls screams i hear
behind the veiled posterior lies
nothing to front but to reveal

she said to me so many times
she'd rather go downtown and hide
in the middle of a crowded room
where no one asks questions why


**cuz in the dark (i, she, we) seem to find
comfort from the heart as others hide
in the same boat (i, she, we) seem to be in
would rather be embraced by shadows within
(i'd, she'd, we'd) rather be hidden than exposed to criticism
basking in the shadows of anonymity

how many times did i wish i was invincible
where all my mistakes unseen
all the secrets locked in my closet
where it will stay forever and never revealed

she passed by the old mansion now
wondering if she'd ever hear the screams
echoes of the past she ran from
toward the city lights where she hid **

running away don't seem to solve anything
in fact, i find myself in the same position again
like her, trapped in an enraged dominion
so tell me how to stop this world i'm in
where we seem trapped in the cycle
cuz [only *]