...feeling of unease

It's been 2 years last August since I've started blogging. Looking back on what I've written and the evolution of my thinking, I am both happy and sad with what I've accomplished. This past year along has been full of changes and new experiences. New job. New boss. New friends. New interest. Feelings of encouragement, happiness, of hurt and pain. Thought it seems I'm back to where I've started 2 years ago. The feeling of being alone and empty. It seems I've started many things and have yet to completely close out and finish anything.

I can't help but feel a distraught by the unfulfilled destiny, in which I am not privy to know. Part of my reflections before is the feeling of reaching "what I out to be." Yet here I am. Back in full circle. Longing for something I know not. Reaching for something I see not. Striving for some greatness and full realization of my potential.

I know I ought to keep persevering and not give up hope. But looking back in the two years dishearten me by the fact that I have nothing to show for my life. No big triumph. No grand revelation. No ... nothing.

I really need to snap out of this funk and get a grip. To just keep on keeping on but this feeling of unease is driving me away from a positive outlook. I guess its bound to happen once in a while when what you think should happen doesn't and you are left in the wake of disappointment. And so I am back into this feeling of unease. I didn't like it then, nor has it changed my perception now.

Don't get me wrong. I should acknowledge the bounty I have received: wonderful new friends I've met, strengthened old ones, redirected my career path, getting paid more than before, . . . But is missing? Some may say a partner in life. Maybe --but another person cannot help me if I cannot help myself out of this funk. Yes, they can encourage, guide, and pray for me. But I alone can make the journey along with my faith.

I hate the fall . . .