curve ball

I was thinking today, while I shopped at IKEA for some goodies for a mother we sponsored from social services. No identities were given besides the fact that she is a mother of 9 and she is trying to rebuild her life one day at a time in hopes that one day, all of her kids will be united with her. 4 of her 9 children are part of the program we participate in. I know no other details of why she lost her children. Perhaps it’s a tale of tragedy and intrigue. Of drugs, and deception. Of a life spinning out of control and the need became apparent. Maybe there was no choice or the choice was hers to make. Who really knows? The thing is, the first thing most of us would think if we hear "Social Services" is that she is an unfit mother and does not deserve her children. That she probably was into drugs and abused her children. Don't even pretend that it never crossed your mind. We all have thought it in one form or the other. I'm going to be honest. It flashed in my mind a number of times. Am I a bad person to think it? Maybe. Am I judging her? Totally. Do I have the right to do so? Definitely, not. The reality is that it can be anyone of us in that same situation. Those dire moments where life hands you a dozen curve balls at a time, you are bound to be struck and fall. The task then becomes, how do you respond when you do fall? Will you fill pity and just continue to stay on the ground? Do you, feel proud and not take a helping hand? Will, you brush it off and not learn from it? Become humble and take life's lessons and walk the path given to you with head held high?

I would like to say that I would do the latter. The thing is I cannot even imagine that kind of life. I can empathize but I would never know unless I was there. When it suddenly becomes my reality and have to live it. Would I want to be in that situation? NO. Who would choose that life? No one would ever pick that path if it were up to them. Maybe at one point the choice was there. There is always a choice. Remember, there is such a thing as Free Will.

And so you take what life hands to you and you make the most of it. Others are more fortunate than some. There are those who can rise up from the depths of shittiness and come out smelling great and looking like a million dollars. Then there are those who just wallow in the filth and stay there. What is it that sets those two apart? What's in one and not in the other? Will this mother be able to turn the tables around and walk tall? Questions voiced out into the void. The answer only lies within, the strength that would take you from walking the streets hungry and homeless to becoming a senior management consultant at a firm. Or being an unwed teenage mother and become the editor of Vogue. What is it that made a difference in their life that made them want more and work for it? What motivated this mother to get her life in order to regain back custody of her children? I don't know. I wouldn't know. Maybe one day I will be able to sit with her and talk to her and asked her where the turning points were –those that led her into shit, and those that took her out of it. The future is still unknown. I’m being realistic here. Many have tried and failed this endeavor to change. Maybe she would try and it will fail or maybe it will work so well that she would have her family back. It’s a total contrast from my everyday positive self but it’s there, you can’t ignore the other side of the coin. Do I wish her to fail? NO. I pray and hope that she would regain ground and that she can run towards a better life.

These were just some of the things that went through my mind. It saddens me that I think of these situations. It makes me wonder if the kids at our group even have these self talk and debate within us and come out with an answer about the world.

Who am I to take my values and cast it towards someone else's life? Are my values more superior to yours? NO! But why am I compelled to do so? Why do I buy the food for the homeless instead of giving them money -- thinking maybe, just maybe they will use it to buy drugs instead of the food they truly need. Someone told me not too long ago that if I were in the streets and have nothing else, wouldn't I want the crack or heroin over food too? Have you ever thought that they need something to numb the pain and humiliation radiating from downcast eyes of people they meet, with those judging stares of disgust, disapproval, and pity? Yes, for us we cannot fathom the down trodden life of having nothing. With us living in such excess, it is hard for us to think or even comprehend the fact that others may choose drugs over food. That thought is coming straight from our own value system. Will we think the same if we were in the same shoes? I honestly wouldn't know. I cannot even imagine the nightmare of it. But I know that it is indeed a life that people do live. Where their everyday is nothing short of sucky and yet some of us take this for granted and think nothing of the sorrows and pain of the world. We complain that there is a hair in our food, when we should be ecstatic that there is food. The small miracles and blessings that we tend to forget that we are privileged to have. Yes, it is easy to be desensitized about poverty, drugs, crime. There need only be one rotten apple in the bunch to ruin any sense of willingness to help. There are those rotten few who take advantage of the misfortunes of others only to profit from it. Hear of it enough and you would be skeptical too. Once in a while though, we need to try and reach beyond the skepticism and just plain help. Whatever it is others need without judgment, or passing blame, or placing our own beliefs and values to them. We need only to reach out from the comforts of home and help without expecting anything in return. Not even a “thank you” or any acknowledgement. We ought to do what is needed and gain nothing but the knowledge that another gained a minute sense of relief from a life we cannot grasp.

So thank the heavens for our lives. For being able to sit in front of the computer and read this blog. For being able to read. For being able to dress. For being able to eat, talk on the phone, drive a car or play an instrument. Be thankful for family, friends, jobs. Thankful for everything around us.

Just think about it. The tables can change in an instant. The power is there to rise above the filth whether you’re knee deep or chin deep in shit. Just know that you can be looking at your own eyes if you suddenly find yourself being hit by life’s curve ball. Will you be thinking the same if you were in the mom’s shoes today?

Sorry to dampen your reading. I just needed to pour out my thoughts. Love. Care. Share. Take Care my friends.