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11 january 2004

I've always favored the day
the warmth of the sun
clear skies, bright colors
they all melt the demons away

at night it seems the monsters come
beyond the childhood goblins
stronger than the monsters beneath my bed
the demons it seems haunt my head

i favor the life in the mornings
the sound of the birds chirping
the buzz of the people talking
or the zoom of the cars along the way

where as when the moon replaces the sun
my mind wonders to smoking guns
of emotions burnt and hurt
of echoes in the past i would rather not have heard
the thoughts of life and death linger
as the darkness envelopes me and the daylights retreats and fades
i really prefer the light of day

sometimes i toss and turn
sporadically my heart races
as i see hidden traces of faces i'd rather not see
i long to see dawn as it melts all my fears
i stare at the clock as it ticks down time
when all demons scatter away and i welcome
my savior, the light of day

12 january 2004
why is it i feel i'm ready to explode
something inside me trapped
like a child forbidden to lpay outside
my body unable to contain my mind

dormant feelings erupt
as triggers fill my senses
at its threshold i keep it at bay
as it fights its way to freedom

emotions stir as i read books on love
of community, of understanding
i long to feel accepted
as my emotions are pushed deep down within

the sun i long to see
outside this trapped feels i seemed to be
destined somehow to stay
until the final moment, the very day
where i'd free my heart
no longer in chains, no longer keeping check
and others' love i shall accept

repressed feelings bubble up inside
ready to be released by me
no longer able to detain
my heart can no longer restrain

be careful my dear to whom you reveal
its easy to break such in inexperienced heart
is this why i've kept the beating of my heart to start?
perhaps its fear that holds my emotions captive
when now its release is quite imperative
else my heart atrophies
no longer able to love and beat with ease

i release thee
accepting every consequence
bracing for the pain, for its impact, its strain
but then again it may not happen
for love can only strengthen