Wednesday, September 24, 2003

another day same crap

not that i'm complaining about life but really, does it have to be monotonous? have you ever said to yourself when you were young, i won't like to be working behind a desk when i grow up? ha! so guess where i am right now? behind a desk, addicted to e-mail and this blog. what am i doing? maybe this is why there is such a fire for me to go do something else. oh as an aside...love ani difranco. i'm listeing to her song "out of habit." anyhoo...i have a need to not be here, indeed. he!

phew! got back from the gym. nice good 60 mins on the cross trainer plus some ab workout. goal this week....get to the gym at least 3 times. i'm thinking i might just go more than that. but we shall see. so more and more, i'm envisioning a future. something different from what i used to imagine (mundane job . . . blah blah blah --granted it will be a worthwhile job either at the UN or the state department. making decisions in public policy and such --it has it's high points i would think. but can you imagine the red tape and bureaucracy?). so the future is with the music. not the lifestyle mind you but with the kind of music it will be. something to show my filipino pride and such. anyhoo....it's a great fantacy. now, the goal is to get it to come true. pray for me!

listlessly i pick up the phone to call you
effort lacking, emotions unyeilding
i stand behind an embankment
meant to be crossed only by someone determined

you seem to be up for the challenge
with unwavering conviction you forged on
wooing me, catering to my every desire
oh how lovely it was to have your attention
my darling, you would definitely have my undying devotion

and yet as i begin to dial your number
i remember to raise the barrier
i'm afraid of your love, my darling
will you continue your persuit
or seize and give up and leave unforgiving?

time will tell if you will stay
ever enduring and ever loving
my dear, do realize i'm trying my best
lest i dive in quickly and withdraw abruptly
let me make it clear, this is not a test

i take my time when it comes to matters of love
wait my love, and i'll make it worth your while
i know i'll get over this fear i have
and finally i can show you my capacity to love


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